Why Can't We Be Friends (Paperback)

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Aimee Byrd
P&R Publishing

Publication Date: June 2018
Pages: 248
Topic: Friendship


The church stands firm against culture on many issues of sexuality . . . but misses this one!

Society says we are merely sexual beings and should embrace this, and in the church we use this same view as an excuse to distrust and avoid each other! We shy away from healthy friendship, and even our siblingship in Christ, in the name of purity and reputation . . . but is this what we are called to do?

Aimee Byrd reminds us that the way to stand against culture is not by allowing it to drive us apart—it is by seeking the brother-and-sister closeness we are privileged to have as Christians. Here is a plan for true, godly friendship between the sexes that embraces the family we truly are in Christ and serves as the exact witness the watching world needs.


“With this book, Aimee Byrd has done a great service to the church. At a time when society at large is questioning the meaning of friendship in general and the legitimacy of friendship between men and women, Aimee challenges her readers to test their responses and determine whether they are dictated by Scriptures or by culture and tradition. The answers might surprise you.

Read this book even if you think you are already the best of friends. You will find many unexpected questions and insightful recommendations. If you have children, it will help you to establish in them, from an early age, good habits of friendship and sibling relationships.”

—Simonetta Carr, author, Broken Pieces and the God Who Mends Themand the Christian Biographies for Young Readersseries contributor at PlaceforTruth.org

“Jesus was willing to break through ethnic, political, religious, and gender barriers like a wrecking ball. There was not a man-made obstacle to forgiveness and spiritual growth that he would allow to stand in his way. Aimee Byrd’s book on friendship will be a rich resource for believers to consider how they might follow in Jesus’ steps. Read it to help you think, reflect, and develop personal convictions for Jesus-centered relationships.”

—Dan DeWitt, Director, Center for Biblical Apologetics and Public Christianity, and Associate Professor, Applied Theology and Apologetics, Cedarville University

“Aimee Byrd’s thought-provoking treatment of cross-gender friendship in the family of God is at once rich biblical theology and piercing cultural critique. Eschewing the reductionistic, fear-based, and eroticized views of the other sex that too often typify even those within the church, she answers the question “Can men and women live as sacred siblings in the church?” with an emphatic “Yes, they can—and they must!” . . . if we are to truly follow in the footsteps of our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ.”

—Michael R. Emlet, Faculty Member, Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation; Author, CrossTalkand Descriptions and Prescriptions

“Too often, Christians swear allegiance to the cultural belief that platonic relationships between the sexes are unthinkable. In the interest of avoiding adultery at all costs, we segregate men and women from one another within the church. But one another is precisely what we lose when this is the case. Aimee Byrd calls us back to the Bible’s vision of believers as the family of God—a family of spiritual brothers and sisters who actually believe they are capable of and called to loving one another deeply, from the heart (see 1 Peter 1:22). I can’t think of a more countercultural message or a more compelling witness to the gospel than a church marked by men and women who trade the fear of adultery for the freedom of appropriate sibling friendships as they partner to advance the kingdom. Aimee shows us this better way.”

—Jen Wilkin, Bible teacher; author, Women of the Word and None Like Him

Author Bio

Aimee Byrd is a co-host of the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals podcast Mortification of Spin and she blogs for the Alliance at HousewifeTheologian.com. She is the author of a number of books including No Little Women and the forthcoming Why Can’t We Be Friends. Aimee resides in her hometown in Frederick, MD, with her husband Matt and their three children. When she is not running her kids around, cheering them on at their sporting events, hitting things in her kickboxing classes, or hiding away with a book, Aimee enjoys the opportunities she has been given as a speaker.